Communicating an Unpopular Decision
Have you ever been excited about a decision you made, but when you shared your news, it wasn’t greeted with the excitement you hoped for? Or maybe you even anticipated disappointment, but that didn’t make hearing the disappointment any easier. It’s not fun and can mess with your mind, but there are ways to prepare for sharing your unpopular decision and keep moving forward.
How to communicate an unpopular decision and keep moving forward:
Clarity.
Give yourself clarity. Spend time thinking and reflecting on why this decision matters to you. Why is this decision important to you? What will you gain from this decision? Spend time gaining a deeper awareness of your feelings and motivations. The more time you spend on giving yourself clarity and answering those questions, the less this decision will be up for debate.
Consider all sides.
Before and after your discussion, consider all sides of the decision. Everyone has a different worldview. We all see things differently, experience things differently, and think about things differently. Keep that in mind when communicating your decision, and remind yourself that it’s okay if someone is disappointed or doesn’t approve of your decision.
Plan and rehearse.
Plan and rehearse what you want to say and how you want to say it. Can you think of a time when you went against what you really wanted because of someone else’s stance or opinion on something? Yeah, me too. Plan and rehearse for discomfort and how you will react to it. Stay true to yourself.
The right headspace.
Wait until you are in the right headspace for this discussion. Practice a mindfulness technique like 54321 before the conversation. Let yourself be present and regulated before you start the conversation.
Allow them to share.
Allow the other person to share their thoughts on your decision. While they are sharing, listen with compassion and respect. When they are done sharing their thoughts, summarize what they said to show you were listening and ask them to respect your decision (“I heard you say _________, but this decision is important to me.”). It’s okay to have different opinions, beliefs, or ways of thinking.
Set boundaries.
Sometimes setting clear boundaries during a discussion is essential, and it’s good to prepare yourself with the language needed to communicate that boundary. Some examples of how to communicate a boundary are:
a. “I feel upset when my decision is greeted with instant rejection. We might disagree on this, and that’s okay. It’s important to me that you understand where I’m coming from. Can we both practice openness, compassion, and empathy during this conversation?”
b. “Our relationship and this topic are important to me. I’d like to take a break from this conversation and come back to it later.”
Avoid avoidance.
Reflect on what might happen if you avoid the discussion. Avoiding the conversation isn’t going to help. It might feel easier to avoid it at the moment, but having unresolved or unspoken differences might lead to disconnection. You might be thinking, “yeah, but I’m protecting our relationship by not discussing it.” This is not usually the case. It’s important to communicate differences and is a necessary part of relationships.
Clarity.
Revisit the same questions as above. Why is this decision important to you? What will you gain from this decision? How do you feel about this decision, and what is the motivation behind this decision?
Conclusion
Always remember that things might not go as planned. You can’t control what the other person says or does, but you can control how you react and what your next move is. It’s okay if someone doesn’t agree with you, but that doesn’t mean you need to give up on your dreams and your decisions. Hold onto why this decision is important and what it means to you. You got this.
